Dr. Judi Sprei and Associates - DBT Maryland - MD and Metro D.C. Area Therapists Specializing in DBT & Trauma

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Judi's Musings on DBT and other topics

My Daughter Says by Erica Jon

While relaxing in a bookstore this past weekend I came across the following poem. I have often told my clients that we all tend to compare our insides to other people's outsides. I believe Jon describes just that experience in this poem. Hope you enjoy it and use it to realize that you are not alone. Judi 
My Daughter Says by Erica Jon
My daughter says
she feels like a Martian
that no one understands her,
that one friend is too perfect,
and another too mean
and that she has
the earliest bedtime in her whole class.

I strain to remember
how a third grader feels
about love, about pain
and I feel a hollow in my heart
where there should be blood
and an ache where there should
be certainty

My darling Molly,
no earthlings ever lived
who did not feel
like a Martian,
who did not curse her bedtime,
who did not wonder
how she got to this planet,
who dropped her here
and why
and how she can possibly stay.
I go to bed
whenever I like
and with whomever I choose,
nut still I wonder
why I do not
belong in my class,
and where my class is anyway,
and why so many of them
seem to be asleep
while I toss and turn
in perplexity.

They, meanwhile, imagine I am perfect
and have solved everything;
an earthling among the Martians,
at home on her home planet,
feet planted in green grass.

If only we could all admit
that none of us belongs here,
that all of us are Martians,
and that our bedtimes
are always
too early

too late.

Thank you

I have been increasing hearing that my website is being used as the go-to place to explain DBT to patients in various hospitals, Universities and treatment facilities throughout the United States. I had no idea! I am honored and so pleased to hear this. I never thought I could create a website. I was amazed and thrilled when I actually was able to create this site. I am even more amazed and thrilled to hear that it is being viewed and being found so helpful to so many people. Thank you all so much.    

Marsha Linehan - NY Times Article

     If you have not already read it, please don't miss the article about Marsha Linehan on the front page of  today's New York Times.  I am awed by Linehan's courage in revealing so much about her own struggles with mental illness. Her revelations have already, in just this one day, inspired hope in so many people.  Several patients have already said that knowing what was behind the development of DBT has already increased their trust in this form of treatment. Knowing what the  creator of DBT has gone through in her own life has increased their own motivation to do the difficult work needed in order to heal. 
     I applaud Marsha for sharing of herself in this way, for her strength in accepting her own issues and for the validation she has given to so many people who are still struggling. The commitment she has to help others that is so evident in her research, is even more evident in her self revelations today.
     Thank you Dr. Linehan.         

Thought of the week

Learn to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in other people.
                                                            Marian Wright Edelman
                                                                (Quaker saying)
    In DBT language, this is similar to getting in touch with Wise Mind.   

Thought of the Week

   I may not have caused my own problems
             and yet I am the only one who can solve them. 
   Totally and radically accepting this
             allows me to move forward.  
                            DBT Philosophy on Radical Acceptance

Thought of the Week

"We cannot control the wind; we can only adjust the sails." Kahlil Gibran  

Thought of the Week - Radical Acceptance

My DBT Skills group is currently studying the concept of Radical Acceptance. The following quote, from one of the founders of pscyhotherapy, fits in very well with this concept so I decided to make it this weeks Thought of the Week. Perhaps you might want to spend some time sitting with this concept over the course of this week. Please feel free to contact me to share other sayings or quotes that you find therapeutic. They might just end up becoming one of my future Thoughts of the Week.
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change."   
Carl Rodgers  


While looking through a folder I found this poem that I hadn't looked at for a very long time. Re-reading it reminded me how lovely it is. Try reading it every day this week and spend a few minutes just sitting quietly and meditating on the the words. Judi
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. but let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.  Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive God to be, and whatever labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life; keep peace in your soul. With all it's sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. 

Thoughts as we approach the end of 2010

If you haven't looked at the rest of my website in awhile, this is a great time to do it. I just added a new page that I hope you will enjoy -- A DBT Alphabet for the New Year.I enjoyed the challenge of creating it.
December can be a very stressful month for many people as they prepare for holidays, react to memories of past holidays and try to get everything that needs to be done in 2010 accomplished in the next 2 weeks. Please remember to take time to breathe and self soothe if this is a hectic or depressing time for you. This is a wonderful time to give yourself the gift of mindfulness.

The Majesty of Sound

Yesterday I went on a retreat -- a day long festival of chanting, toning, singing, movement and drumming. It is not often that I get to spend an entire day doing meditative practices. Doing so much meditation in one day allowed me to go to a deeper place and to really feel the benefits of meditation. I loved the toning -- simple giving voice to each vowel of the alphabet and mindfully letting the sound of the intonation vibrate throughout my body.  And I loved moving to some of the chants; just letting my body sway, twirl, move and connect to the music and our collective voices. You might want to try increasing your meditative practice and see what it does for you.  You can experiment with various ways to meditate including using the sound of your own voice or that of musical instruments to help take you deep inside and return you to your natural state of being.     
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